Understanding Choice Theory: A Guide to Personal Freedom
By Dr Joshua Kolawole, Global Transformational Leadership Trainer, Valdymas Intelligence LLC
Introduction: The Crossroads of Daily Life
The human experience is a continuous navigation of crossroads. From the moment we wake up to the moment we go to sleep, we are faced with a torrent of possibilities that shape our day, our relationships, and our future. Each choice is a thread we weave into the intricate tapestry of our lives.
“You are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequences of your choices.” – R. Buckminster Fuller
It’s estimated that the average adult makes between 30,000 to 35,000 remotely conscious choices or decisions each day. To put that in perspective, a study from Cornell University found that we make an average of 226.7 decisions about food alone on a daily basis. This constant stream of decision-making underscores a fundamental aspect of our existence: we are always choosing.
While these terms are often used interchangeably in everyday language, Choice Theory draws a critical distinction between them to better understand our motivations. A choice is a forward-looking act rooted in our values and aspirations, while a decision is a more process-oriented act of making up one’s mind, often looking backward at data or experience.
| Choice | Decision |
| Value-oriented and forward-looking | Process-oriented and backward-looking |
| Stems from aspirations and convictions | Originates from actions, achievements, and outcomes |
| The right or power to select a path | The act of making up one’s mind |
To navigate these daily crossroads with intention, we can turn to a powerful psychological framework: Dr. William Glasser’s Choice Theory.
1. What is Dr. William Glasser’s Choice Theory?
Choice Theory is a psychological framework developed by psychiatrist Dr. William Glasser that emphasizes personal responsibility and empowerment. It operates on a single, powerful principle that changes how we view our lives and interactions:
The only person whose behavior you can control is your own.
This theory is built on the foundational belief that “Our Behavior doesn’t choose us, we choose them.” While external factors like our environment or past experiences can be influential, Choice Theory posits that the ultimate decision to act in a certain way lies with us. This shifts the locus of control from external to internal, forming the basis for personal agency and responsibility.
2. The Engine of Your Choices: The Five Basic Needs
According to Choice Theory, all human behavior is purposeful. We are not random creatures; our actions are motivated by an ongoing attempt to satisfy five basic, genetically encoded needs. Understanding these drivers is the first step to making more conscious choices.
- Survival: Our need for safety, security, and physical well-being.
- Love and Belonging: Our need for connection, friendship, and intimacy.
- Power: Our need for achievement, competence, and control, which extends to economic and political spheres.
- Freedom: Our need for autonomy and the ability to choose from a variety of options.
- Fun: Our need for learning, enjoyment, comfort, and convenience.
While these five needs are the engine driving our behavior, they don’t operate blindly. They are guided by a personal, internal blueprint of our ideal life—a destination Glasser termed the “Quality World.”
3. Your “Quality World”: The Ideal Life in Your Head
Your Quality World is the ideal mental picture—like a video playing in your head—that reflects how you want things to be. It’s a personal blueprint filled with the people, experiences, values, and beliefs that you hold most dear.
The primary function of this Quality World is to serve as an internal guide. Your brain constantly compares the real world you are experiencing with this ideal inner world. This comparison creates a powerful emotional signal:
- When your reality matches your Quality World, you feel good (happy, satisfied, content).
- When your reality does not match your Quality World, you feel bad (frustrated, unhappy, angry).
From a behavioral perspective, this feeling of frustration is more than just discomfort; it is a motivational signal. This negative feeling is the psychological impetus that drives an individual to engage in new behaviors (choices) to restore equilibrium and close the gap between their internal blueprint and their external reality.
4. Putting Theory into Practice: Four Steps to Taking Control
Choice Theory is more than just an explanation of behavior; it provides actionable principles for taking control of your life and shaping a more fulfilling existence.
- Focus on the Present We cannot change the past, and the future is uncertain. The theory emphasizes that our power lies in the present moment. By focusing on the choices we can make right now, we take control of the only thing we truly can: our current actions and thinking.
- Own Your Feelings While we can’t directly control our emotions as if flipping a switch, we can influence them through our choices. By choosing to change our actions and our thoughts, we can indirectly change how we feel. Feelings are a consequence of the behaviors we choose.
- Let Go of Controlling Others Trying to force others to act as we wish is a primary source of frustration. This behavior violates the theory’s foundational principle—that the only person you can control is yourself—and represents a futile attempt to force another person’s reality to match your Quality World. The theory encourages focusing on influencing others through effective communication, respecting that their choices are their own.
- Become a Problem Solver Instead of dwelling on what’s wrong or who is to blame, Choice Theory teaches us to focus on solutions. This is the active process of closing the gap between your current reality and your Quality World. When faced with a problem, the key is to ask, “What choices can I make right now that will help satisfy my Five Basic Needs and move me closer to my goals?”
By internalizing these principles, you can begin to apply them in the areas of your life that matter most, starting with your most important relationships.
5. Choice Theory in Your Relationships and Daily Life
The principles of Choice Theory are not just abstract ideas; they have practical applications that can fundamentally improve key areas of your life by shifting the focus from external control to internal empowerment.
In Education
As an educational framework, Choice Theory enables teachers to create student-centered learning environments. By providing learners with choice, ownership, voice, and opportunities for the authentic application of their learning to real-world scenarios, educators empower them to take control of their educational journey. This approach fosters the autonomy and intrinsic motivation necessary for students to become curious, engaged, and lifelong learners.
In Parenting
Choice Theory offers a powerful alternative to traditional control-based parenting. Instead of relying on external motivators that can hinder long-term development, this approach focuses on building a foundation of trust and respect.
| Traditional Control Approach | Choice Theory Approach |
| Relies on rewards and punishments | Fosters intrinsic responsibility |
| Focuses on compliance | Encourages open communication |
| Can create power struggles | Builds trust and mutual respect |
| Aims to control the child | Sets healthy boundaries for choices |
This approach fosters intrinsic motivation and an internal locus of control, as children learn to make choices based on their own needs and values rather than for an external reward or to avoid punishment. It prepares them to become responsible and capable adults.
In Relationships
At its core, Choice Theory is a relationship psychology. It promotes healthier, more fulfilling connections by fostering communication, understanding, and trust. When we accept that we can only control ourselves, we stop blaming, complaining, and criticizing others. Instead, we can focus on listening, supporting, and negotiating to meet our needs in a way that respects the needs of others.
Conclusion: You Are the Author of Your Life
The core message of Choice Theory is both simple and profound: you are not a passive passenger in life, but an active participant in the grand narrative of your existence. While you cannot control everything that happens to you, you can always control how you choose to respond.
By making conscious choices that are aligned with your five basic needs and the ideal images in your Quality World, you can take deliberate steps to shape a more satisfying and fulfilling life. You hold the power to choose your direction.
“In every single thing you do, you are choosing a direction. Your life is a product of choices.” – Dr. Kathleen Hall